Thought of the Day

There is nothing more thrilling in this world, I think, than having a child that is yours, and yet is mysteriously a stranger ~ Agatha Christie

It’s funny how much time you can spend looking at your child wondering ‘does he have my eyes?’, ‘will he have his father’s hairline?’, ‘whose laugh will he have?’

It can be so easy to get distracted trying to identify the familiar characteristics but I remind myself that I don’t t want to miss seeing the entirely brand new, whole person that’s developing right before my eyes!

Yes, he will most likely bear some resemblance to both myself and his father and perhaps even his grandparents, aunts and uncles but here’s hoping he has some surprising new qualities to add into the mix too.

Truth be told…he already has!

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Just When You Think You’ve Got the Hang of It

One of the many wondrous, challenging and surprising parts of having a baby is how adept they (quickly) become at keeping you on your toes. In fact, it feels like I’ve spent so much time on my toes as a new Mum that I could moonlight as a prima ballerina – except of course for the general (and somewhat overwhelming) lack of grace, poise and elegance.

Sometimes it seems like there’s an in-built sensor that monitors just how comfortable you are as a parent and as soon as it looks like you’re getting a bit too confident an alarm sounds that brings with it a subtle (or not so subtle) change to the status quo as if to say

‘Don’t relax too much, we wouldn’t want you snoozing on the job now!’

Or perhaps there’s some sort of internal feedback system that monitors your progress so that when you’ve ‘mastered’ one task it triggers the next? And yes, that is a tongue-in-cheek use of the term mastered!

Either way, whenever it happens it throws me just a little bit and I wonder whether I have what it takes to adapt and meet the new suite of needs. OK, so it actually throws me into a tail spin complete with shallow breathing, wakeful nights and incessant mulling over what’s caused the latest change (and whether there was something that I had done, could have done differently, should be doing now etc, etc, etc), but then again I have always been a little bit drama-prone!

Seriously though, ad-libbing is not one of my strengths. I’m the queen of arriving at the perfect response 3 days after the event when I’ve had plenty of time to weigh up all the pros and cons, run the worse-case scenario, talk it to death with anyone in earshot and then changing my mind about 14 times before settling (usually quite comfortably) with the chosen course of action. Complicated and a touch unnecessary for sure but it works for me.

On the up side though:

I’ve survived and lived to tell the tale and what’s even better is that he’s survived too! So far….

In case it wasn’t obvious, this week has been one of those weeks and, just like all the other times before it, things are settling down and the confidence is returning. For at least another day or two anyway 🙂

But it does feel good to get it off my chest!

Image(s): FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Thought of the Day

Women do not have to sacrifice personhood if they are mothers nor do they have to sacrifice motherhood in order to be persons ~ Elaine Heffner

It is funny how sometimes these do seem mutually exclusive. It’s all too easy to start compiling the ‘things-we-used-to-be-able-to-do’ and the ‘things-we-never-used-to-do-but-have-to-now’ lists when a baby enters the household. There are so many things that we’ve had to wave goodbye to and so many things that we’ve had to welcome in but it’s good to stop and remember that being a person and being a mother can and do happen all at the same time!

Motherhood and the Various Shades of Grey

It’s a constant source of surprise and amusement when I look back on strongly held beliefs I had about being a parent before I had actually become one. Things seemed so straight forward and, in hindsight, so black and white…I’ll never use a dummy, of course I’ll be able to breastfeed and it goes without saying that I’ll be a beacon of patience and inner light. I mean really, how hard could this ‘yummy mummy’ thing be? Ha!

I reminisce on what I now recognise as delusions and chuckle. How naive I was. Now that I’m a Mum I realise how few things about being a parent are straightforward – ‘duh’ you might say but a lesson learnt it’s been. Instead of what used to seem like clear-cut, obvious ‘right or wrong’ choices, there are now about 1,000,001 shades of grey on pretty much any parenting topic you could possibly think of.

I remember how easy being a parent seemed when you didn’t actually have to be one

It was so easy to judge parents with crying babies who were sitting at cafes. Why weren’t they doing whatever it took to keep their baby calm and content? It never dawned on me that perhaps that was exactly what they were doing. Now I know that sometimes the only way I get to eat lunch is to suffer through a few grizzles because, until the human race evolves with mothers who have four arms, I can’t make a sandwich, eat it, drink a cup of coffee and cuddle my baby at the same time.  I also know that a cranky Mummy resulting from food deprivation and caffeine withdrawal is not a good outcome for anyone. Cranky Mummies certainly don’t make an appearance in the ‘yummy mummy’ paradigm!

It was so easy to view dummies as the ‘lazy option’ or the demise of the amazing communication prowess of an infant. Now I think “if it helps and makes life that little bit easier” then why wouldn’t you make use of it? At times the only thing that brings comfort to my son is to suck and that, if given the chance, he would spend the better part of a day permanently attached to my breasts achieving said comfort if it was on offer. Now while, for the most part, his needs do come before mine there are inevitable limits. And for me, a happy and content baby makes for a relaxed mummy. Cranky babies also don’t generally feature in the ‘yummy mummy’ montage.

But then this is just what works for me, and what works for me may not work for any other parent but that doesn’t make it better or worse…just another shade of parenting.

The biggest lesson I’ve learnt as a parent is that nothing is ever as it seems

I realise now just how much the saying ‘never judge a book by its cover’ applies to parenting. I’ve loved exploring the various shades of grey in the big and small decisions so far and look forward with anticipation to all that lies ahead….

This, of course, doesn’t mean that I still don’t have my opinions (and I certainly do) but at least nowadays I feel like they come with some perspective and they generally appear in the context of my own experience…but that’s a topic for another day.

Image(s): FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Having Your Cake and Eating It Too…

Among other things, one of the things I love most about finishing a semester of study is being able to get my thoughts back to myself. No longer is my mental capacity maxed out by trying to recall the diagnostic criteria for various personality disorders or distinguishing between mood, anxiety and eating disorders – riveting stuff I know! In all fairness this semester was pretty engaging for me but it does take its toll.

For the next few weeks I get to focus on my family, read for pleasure (for the few minutes of bedtime reading that I get before passing out) and generally just enjoy the lack of pressure and deadlines that come with assignments and exams. Bliss!

On reflecting what it was like for the past 4-5 months juggling study with a newborn I can’t help coming back to the old adage of having one’s cake and eating it too.

For the most part, I really can “have it all”.

I have a wonderful husband and son which make for a very rewarding family life, I’m fortunate to be able to be a stay-at-home-Mum, I’m finishing my psych degree so  that I can open up a range of new work opportunities for my future and I’m starting to think about what sort of work from home I might be able to do later in the year to bring in a few extra dollars. Clearly I have no complaints!

Credit where credit’s due, I’m lucky enough to have amazing family support which is the only reason I’ve survived this semester of study. Without it there’s certainly no way I would be sitting in my lounge room on the evening after an exam feeling cool, calm and collected. It’s because of their generosity of time and energy that I’ve managed to avoid turning into a bug-eyed monster propped up by caffeine running off of vapours (not a pretty picture let me tell you).

As I start to mull over potential work ventures, it dawns on me that for every new thing I take on, there’s at least one guaranteed consequence – I keep getting spread thinner and thinner. Unfortunately, these grand undertakings don’t come inbuilt with an extra store of attentional capacity so it stands to reason that the more I take on, the more I split my focus. Sure, that’s the juggling act we all manage on a day-to-day basis, but for the first time I have an extra variable that I haven’t had to deal with before: What impact does all this have on my son?

Don’t get me wrong he’s not being neglected or suffering in any way. Quite the opposite in fact. His grandparents have been more than happy to spend as much time as they can get with their grandson and there are plenty of arguments to be made about the long-term benefits of all this for my son but the question remains: Where do I draw the line?

Sure I can have my cake and eat it too but should I?

I don’t have all the answers yet but it’s certainly given me pause for thought.

Image courtesy of Microsoft ClipArt

And the Cherry on Top…

To add to the wave of relief that’s washed over me after a fairly frantic week of cramming for uni exams, there was a lovely little surprise waiting for me in the wonderful world of blogging. I was nominated for a:

It’s so lovely to see this type of peer support and recognition because you put yourself out there and there’s just as good a chance that someone could take a swing at you. Instead it’s been so encouraging to see the amount of positivity that’s floating around in the blogosphere!

But I digress, there a few ‘rules’ attached so firstly, a big thank you to Jim from And that makes two for the nomination. This blog brings a wonderful sense of humour to being a parent and I always get a giggle when reading about his daughter’s antics.

Secondly, I need to share seven things about myself.  Hmmm….

  1. I live in a household of boys: 1 husband and 1 son and I adore both of them
  2. I’m half Finnish
  3. I’m enjoying the world of blogging far more than I thought I might
  4. I’d love to have a pet lion
  5. The thing I’ve loved most about being a Mum is hearing my son laugh
  6. I married my high school sweetheart
  7. Florence stole a piece of my heart and one day I’ll be making my way back there to reclaim it

Thirdly, I’m nominating 15 other bloggers out there who I admire and whose writing I find inspiring or enjoyable: MUMmedia, Tofudie, iGameMom, Cauldrons and Cupcakes, When Ideas Fail, HOVERCRAFTDOGGY, Bill Chance, An Ordinary Life, Sweet Child of Mine Book, Coco J Ginger Says, Daycare Chronicles, SMILESALOT1969, Vicky… The Northern Chicky, LadyRomp and Pulchra Doctrina.

These are all lovely blogs and I have thoroughly enjoyed reading them and look forward to their future offerings!

Last, but not least, I will now go and comment of each of their pages to let them know what I’ve done which will hopefully continue this cycle of enthusiasm and support.

Cheers!